Caspian the Conqueror and the Day of Problems
by emeraldteardrops
Summary: AU movieverse. Suspian. Fluffy humor fic written as a thank you for cali-chan. Rated T for Caspian being hot.


A/N I wrote this silly piece as a gift for cali-chan for all her support with my fic Beast. Thanks hon. :D

**Caspian the Conqueror and the Day of Problems**

"Your Majesty, we have a problem."

High King Peter looked up at the Boar in front of him. He looked extremely worried, and he kept shifting back and forth on his delicate legs. That kind of behavior never boded well.

"What is that problem, sir Warthog?" Peter asked, thinking that perhaps he really did not want to know. Especially considering the way the Boar was rapidly flicking its tail right and left.

"Their Majesties seem to have run off together."

There was a long pregnant pause in which the High King thought a great number of things, and contemplated a great number of curses that might be appropriate for one not of his station. Then he set his quill on his desk calmly.

"I don't suppose there is any chance that you are speaking of anyone besides Su and Caspian, is there?" he asked a bit drolly. "Perhaps Edmund with the Princess of Archenland, or maybe Lucy with… never mind. That idea is even worse. "

"It is Queen Susan and King Caspian, my lord," the Boar admitted unhappily.

"And I suppose everyone is in a riot about this?" Peter continued, rubbing at the back of his neck. The Warthog looked at his monarch in confusion.

"You are not, sire?" he asked. Peter just gave him a rueful grin.

"Good Boar, if you knew how many times Su has supposedly run off with a suitor, and the other suitors demanded that she be rescued, than you would not be as surprised."

"Your Majesty does not believe they have run off?"

"Oh, I'm sure they are running. But I doubt they will get far. They are both much too responsible and sensible to abandon their kingdom, even for some peace alone together. Eventually they will come back, and knowing Caspian, sooner than later. My bet is that they will be back before nightfall."

"Nightfall has some significance?"

"Yes, because there are certain connotations to nightfall." Peter's eyes narrowed. "And if that is the case, than Caspian better be running."

"What shall we do, High King? The suitors wish to stage a rescue."

"Let them," Peter said calmly. "If Caspian is so set on my sister, enough to whisk her away without letting anyone know, then let him fight off his competition."

"Won't that possibly lead to bloodshed?"

"Possibly, but not much. Do you know any better swordsmen in Narnia than Caspian? Excluding Ed, that is. And can you think of a better way to weed out the less than worthy courtiers running around this place?" Peter grinned. "In fact, let's make this interesting. Why don't you tell the suitors that I am particularly interested in the safe return of my royal sister, the Queen. And that they would find themselves in my favor to do such a thing, without performing undo harm on the King, of course."

The Boar stared, especially when Peter crossed his arms behind his head and began to laugh.

"Oh, and add that if someone can bring them back both bound and gagged on the same horse, I'll knight them. That should get it sorted."

"As you wish, your Majesty."

The poor Narnian just did not understand as he left why the High King suddenly looked in so much of a better mood.

* * *

"The King seeks to conquer," Susan murmured, shifting so that she lay deeper in the soft grass. A low masculine chuckle tickled her earlobe, making her smile. The newest King of Narnia reclined beside her, clad in only his leather breeches as he kept her close.

"Aye, the King seeks it," Caspian whispered, kissing a trail down her throat before lightly nipping where her neck met her shoulder. Susan hummed and arch up into his hands. "The question is, would my Queen allow it?"

"Depends, sir," she teased, gasping as his thumbs brushed fiery patterns over her breasts, which had long since been revealed by the loosening of her corset ties. "Is the King worthy?"

"Is any man worthy of such a prize?" he asked her, eyes bright as he looked down at the woman in his arms. Oh, how badly he had wanted this time alone with her, and how impossible it had seemed to be. It had probably been unwise to simply swing her up upon his horse and ride her out of the castle without telling anyone, but even a man as patient as Caspian could only wait so long.

"Perhaps the King could give a demonstration of his worthiness," Susan suggested archly, then she gave a quiet sigh as his hands slowly and deliberately pushed her skirts up to her waist, massaging her thighs as he did.

"Perhaps," Caspian agreed, kissing his way down her throat once more. He paused at her chest, flicking his tongue out lightly before continuing lower. Susan's hands tangled in his dark hair as Caspian shifted between her knees, his mouth teasing her as he kissed her hips and her thighs thoroughly.

"Please," Susan found herself begging, arching up again to try and quicken what she knew he was about to do. "Caspian, please…"

He hummed deep in his throat, and then Susan gasped as she felt his mouth against her. Her gasp turned quickly into a keening noise as she trembled beneath his ministrations. Susan gripped the earth beneath her with her free hand, beginning to pant and writhe. Caspian held her hips down easily, and she had no choice but to accept his demonstration, whimpering and moaning as she did. The Queen began shaking, her toes curling as her body neared release, and she felt more than heard the rumble of the ground beneath her back.

"Caspian," Susan whispered his name in passion, but then repeated it as she realized what the rumbling meant. "Caspian! Someone's approaching!"

His hands stayed locked on her hips as he shifted upwards, falling back on his heels as he looked towards the noise. Then he let out an oath that he had never spoken in her presence and he sprang to his feet. Susan scrambled to right her clothes and Caspian only had enough time to place himself protectively in front of her before a group of horsemen were upon him. Caspian recognized them immediately and was instantly furious. It was the very same men that they had sought so hard to avoid this day.

"Unhand the Queen! In the name of the High King of Narnia!" the foremost suitor demanded, brandishing his sword dramatically. Behind him the rest of the gathered suitors followed suit, their horses' hooves tearing up the dirt.

"Here here!" they cried supportively. The foremost suitor nodded firmly, sure that the King would do as he was told.

Caspian eyed the distance between himself and his sword, which still lay propped against the boulder next to his shirt.

"You are quite sure of yourselves, that you have the right to make such demands," Caspian said coldly, not at all pleased.

"The High King has insisted the return of his sister, and capture of the scoundrel that has abducted her."

"Oh don't be daft, no one abducted me," Susan scolded from behind Caspian. However the regal tone she was using was not as effective as it could have been if she had been properly dressed.

"Never fear sweet lady," the foremost suitor would not be convinced. "His poisoned tongue shall not tell you lies any longer!"

"Here here!" the suitors agreed, and stamped their feet restlessly. Caspian's jaw tightened.

"I am your King, man," Caspian snarled. "You have the audacity to speak to me so?"

"You are my foe this day, your majesty! In the defense of her majesty's honor, no man can stop me!"

"None can stop _us_," the second suitor whispered, giving the first a look. "Us."

"Err, that's right. No one can stop us!"

"Here here!" they cried, stamping and sword rattling as best they could.

"Enough of the here here's," Susan cried, growing frustrated and stepping out from behind Caspian. The laces of her bodice were still quite loose and she was displaying a dangerous amount of cleavage. "I tell you all, there is nothing ill intended about Caspian's actions. There will be however if you lot don't sot off!"

"As the lady says," Caspian agreed, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"You will hand her over to us," the foremost suitor declared. "We will inspect her for any injuries and for loss of virginity, and then will escort her back with us."

"Inspect me for what? Not likely!" Susan's eyes were wide at the thought and she blushed furiously.

"You will not lay a hand on the queen," Caspian stated harshly, once more gauging the distance between himself and his sword.

"Should her virginity be removed, we will restore her lost honor by punishing he who has taken the brightest gem of our fair Narnia!"

"Her virginity is not in question, sir," Caspian decided in a voice that _should_ have warned him to desist, had he been brighter. "But your intentions are. There will be no such sort of inspection, I pledge my life on it."

"Here here!" one of the less worthy suitors started to say, only to be elbowed to silence. There was the smell of impending bloodshed in the air and Susan tried to intercede, shoving herself in front of Caspian and marching towards the suitor.

"As the Queen of Narnia and highest of rank here, I demand that you all stop this nonsense at once!" Susan stamped her foot, looking very much like Lucy as she did. "There will be no fighting, and you all will leave Caspian and I alone for once… oh!"

Susan yelped as suddenly the foremost suitor drove his mount forward, having decided that the Queen was under this Telmarine's evil spell and needed to be rescued. So he spurred ahead and leaned down, taking the Queen by the arm and attempting to pull her up behind him on his horse. Had he been stronger, it might have gone as planned. Instead all he succeeded in doing was dragging the Queen a few feet and knocking her ungracefully to the ground.

Caspian didn't take that very well.

The suitor had a moment to realize his mistake before something large and angry struck him in the midsection, dragging him off his horse. The suitor hit the ground hard, but not as hard as the fist that then broke his nose.

"Ahhh!" he cried, clutching his face as blood spurted everywhere. "Why did you do that?"

"Because you are a coward and a fool," Caspian snarled as he picked the man up by the hair and flung him back towards the group of horsemen. "And you dared touch _my_ queen." However he did not follow through because of Susan's command to not fight. He would not unless the situation grew direr. Secretly Caspian hoped it would, he had been dying to cut these pompous fluffy excuses of nobility down to size for a while now.

"She doesn't belong to anyone yet!" bloody nose declared, rousing the suitors.

"Here here!" came the cry behind him. Susan at this point had picked herself up off the ground and was staring in dismay at the large tear in the hem of her dress. It had been her favorite. Grrrr…

"Actually, I belong to Caspian," Susan growled. "And I take it back about the fighting. Consider my royal person officially offended, dear."

The smile that spread across Caspian's face was nearly wicked. Out of respect for the suitors, I believe we shall leave this scene right there.

* * *

"Your Majesty, we have a problem."

The Warthog was back, looking almost beside itself. Peter, having an inkling as to what said problem might be, couldn't help his grin.

"I take it my sister has been returned?" he asked, downing the last sip of his wine. The Warthog shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, sire. She has said to inform you she is waiting for you in front of the stables."

"I bet she is," Peter laughed, and he headed down that direction in anticipation. Too bad Narnia had no cameras. He would love to get a picture of this. However when he reached the courtyard, the High King skidded to a stop.

"High King Peter," Caspian said gravely from the top of Destrier, the Queen still seated behind him with her arms about his waist. Peter stared in horror, but not at Caspian for he did not have a scratch on him.

"I believe you wanted us returned on the same horse, Peter," Susan said smartly as they rode past and she dropped something into his hands. It was a pair of reins, connected to the bridle of a young suitor's horse. Said suitor was draped over its back, bound and gagged and a bit bloody about the face. Behind him, all similarly trussed on horses tied in a long string, were the rest of the suitors. Fifteen of the noblest young men from countries surrounding Narnia. Fifteen young men whose fathers would _not_ take this well.

"Did you _have_ to?" Peter asked plaintively of the other King.

"I could ask you the same thing, brother!" Caspian called back, sounding smug. Susan's laughter rippled as they turned back towards the bridge.

"Where are you two going?" the High King demanded. "You're not going to just leave me with this, are you?"

"I have a task to finish," Caspian smirked. "I am sure the High King will be fine." And then with a cry he spurred Destrier away from the castle, the Queen's dark hair flowing behind her back as they rode away. Peter stared at the line of suitors helplessly. Finally he turned to the Warthog at his side.

"I think we have a problem," he finally admitted. The Warthog wisely said nothing.


End file.
